The Easy Question with the Hard Answer
It's easy to ask other people that one word question, "Why"? But answering that question for ourselves? Now that's the hard part. It requires us to dig up some ugly truths and some disgusting motives.
Why are we doing this good deed? Why are we making this decision? Why are we saying these words?
Why are we doing this good deed? Why are we making this decision? Why are we saying these words?
Why are we confronting this Believer?
Here are some hard answers we may discover:
"It makes me look good in the eyes of others."
"It makes me feel better about myself."
"I have some concerns I need to get off my chest"
"It makes me feel powerful and in control."
"It takes some of my own personal guilt away."
"It makes me feel more superior than the Believer."
"It makes me feel more deserving of God's blessings."
"It makes the Believer seem less intimidating."
"It makes me feel less envious of the Believer."
Ouch! These answers are rooted in pride and selfishness. We let others' good deeds make us feel unqualified and let others' bad deeds fill us with pride. May we never forget that we are only responsible for our own deeds. We are to test our works against God's law, not against man's actions.
"Let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each man will have to bear his own load." Galatians 6:4-5
Confrontation has nothing to do with us and everything to do with the gospel. We confront to serve the Lord, not man. We confront to boast in the cross, not in our own opinions. The goal of godly confrontation is to speak God's Truth into the life of another.
"You who are spiritual restore him in a spirit of gentleness." Galatians 4:2
Confrontation is an opportunity to live out the gospel of grace; it is a tool we use to serve as God's ambassadors. In addressing another Believer's sin, our hope is to lead them to repentance, turning FROM their temporarily satisfying sin and turning TO the true joy of the Lord.
Through confrontation, God wants to use us as willing vessels to reveal man's evil hearts in light of His Holy Word and to display His grace in spite of man's sin.
The Right Load is a Light Load
"Develop the extraordinary skill for detecting the burdens of others and devote yourself daily to making them lighter." John Piper
Our job is to make the Believer's load lighter, not our own. God calls us to love our neighbor by rescuing them from sin's control. Because He called us to this great mission of Burden-Bearing, He also equipped us with everything we need. He overcomes our impure motives and gives us the right ones. If it isn't a light burden, we are carrying the wrong one!
For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? 1 Corinthians 4:7
The key to admonishing with pure intentions is looking to the cross. We must trust God to help us confront instead of relying on ourselves. We are not strong enough to bear other's burdens. We need Christ to bear our own burdens and their burdens.
The only reason we can help others is because first God helps us. Jesus bears the heavy load for us. The Lord provides us with the spiritual maturity to build up His Church. All we must do is ask His Spirit to strengthen our thoughts, words, and hearts. God gives us His Spirit so we can confront Believers in a genuine spirit of love.
When Awkward Pays Off
And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another. Romans 15:14
Admonishing others may seem hard, embarrassing, awkward, and uncomfortable in the moment. But the momentary difficulty is better than the great pain of sin the Believer will experience if you keep your mouth shut. Sin is our biggest problem, not awkwardness.We serve God as our master; the idol of comfort has no control over us!
If we have the right motives, our confrontational encounter will feel more like a conversation. We listen, ask questions, and share stories. God gives us the eyes to see what that Believer needs to know about God, what sin he needs to confess, and what steps he needs to take to promote genuine change. Then, we call the Believer to confess and implement a plan to change.
This conversational method of confrontation benefits the Believer more than the method of spouting off our own ideas and opinions. In addition, we don't have to pressure the Believer to repent right then and there. Let God's Holy Spirit do the inward work of convicting, renewing, and nudging the Believer's heart toward Himself. Change is not always immediate. Sometimes it takes time and prayer.
We are God's Mouthpieces
Sin blinds our eyes, deceives our emotions, and skews our view of God and the Bible. May we hate evil so much that, when we see a Believer repeatedly committing sin, we expose their sin before it hardens their heart.God wants to use us to speak His Truth to others in order to change their hearts. May we share God's powerful, strong Word to our wayward sisters and brothers. Let us fulfill God's beautiful vision for His Body by restoring our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
We can lift the heavy burden of sin off our friends' shoulders so they can confidently lay them on the Savior, knowing He is strong enough to bear our sins. Then, the restored Believer can run the race set before them, not weighted down by entangling sin.
I pray that we only confront others for the sake of the gospel. The gospel is the good news of comfort, freedom, joy, and grace found only in our merciful Savior.
We are God's mouthpiece to speak the joy of salvation into the hearts of His people.
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