I love the message of Song of Solomon. While it portrays sex as a beautiful gift from God that is meant to be enjoyed, the speaker urges us to open this gift after the wedding bells ring. The gift of sex is best enjoyed within marriage. The wife of Song of Solomon promises the young women of Jerusalem that while it can be hard to wait for sex, it will be worth it. She does not ask the daughters to do something she herself has not already done. The speaker and her husband wait. They build their relationship upon communication and trust rather than lust. Here a few things Song of Solomon taught me...
Wait for a man like the husband in the story.
The story teller’s husband initiates the relationship and genuinely seeks to know her...not her body (2:7-3:5). Essentially he says, "Slow down on the physical. I want to hear about you."
I adjure you, O daughter of Jerusalem by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Song of Solomon 2:7He also attempts to resolve any problems that come up right off the bat. In the early stages of a romantic relationship, couples should begin practicing conflict resolution. If couples learn to face issues, argue well, and base their solutions on God’s Word instead of brushing them off, ignoring them, or medicating them with sex, their marriage will run a lot smoother. In Song of Solomon, the couple goes to each other to work through their issues, catching any "foxes" that may destroy their "vineyard."
Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom. Song of Solomon 3:1-2
For a successful relationship, both partners must prioritize knowing each other and resolving conflict. Find a man who wants to work through issues, not ignore them. Find a man who enjoys getting to know you, not getting to know your body. The kind of relationship that endures conflict and seeks growth is founded upon commitment and intentionality rather than sexual involvement.
Marriage does not solve everything.
I used to think once a couple got married, their sexual sins ended along with their fight for purity. I could not have been farther from the truth! Purity of body and mind is an ongoing struggle that continues in and through marriage. The Song of Solomon couple face conflict within their marriage. But, because they have plenty of practice, they are able to resolve it (5:2-6:13). If dating couples practice self-control personally and together before they say “I do”, they are better prepared to stay pure in marriage even though purity looks a little different. Marriage does not solve personal conflict or sexual conflict. A desire to fix problems and fight against sin must be evident while dating. Types of problems will change over time, but a correct approach should always remain.
I used to think once a couple got married, their sexual sins ended along with their fight for purity. I could not have been farther from the truth! Purity of body and mind is an ongoing struggle that continues in and through marriage. The Song of Solomon couple face conflict within their marriage. But, because they have plenty of practice, they are able to resolve it (5:2-6:13). If dating couples practice self-control personally and together before they say “I do”, they are better prepared to stay pure in marriage even though purity looks a little different. Marriage does not solve personal conflict or sexual conflict. A desire to fix problems and fight against sin must be evident while dating. Types of problems will change over time, but a correct approach should always remain.
Stir up emotional and physical love only when the time is right.
Don't rush it. Moving too fast emotionally and physically can be detrimental to the relationship. The Song of Solomon wife encouraged the daughters of Jerusalem to act like a wall without entrances until the right time: marriage. She warned them against acting like doors always opening and closing. May we as daughters of the King be like a strong, unwavering wall, that we may be strengthened. May we never act like loose doors in need of a barricade. Let us hand over the key to our hearts and bodies only when the time is right.
Don't rush it. Moving too fast emotionally and physically can be detrimental to the relationship. The Song of Solomon wife encouraged the daughters of Jerusalem to act like a wall without entrances until the right time: marriage. She warned them against acting like doors always opening and closing. May we as daughters of the King be like a strong, unwavering wall, that we may be strengthened. May we never act like loose doors in need of a barricade. Let us hand over the key to our hearts and bodies only when the time is right.
A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a spring locked, a fountain sealed... What shall we do for our sister on the day she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build on her a battlement of silver, but if she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar. Song of Solomon 4:12, 8:8-9
Uncontrolled love is like a destructive fire.
If couples do not control love, the fire burns and destroys their relationship. If we choose to play with the fire and stir it up with music, emotions, and sex, lines will be crossed and deep regrets will arise. May we put the fire in the furnace. Let us control love from the beginning so the relationship will not burn up. Wait for a relationship that is built on the personal not the physical or the emotional. Wait for a man that practices respect, self-control, and integrity. Find your satisfaction in God alone. A solid, unwavering relationship with God is a must before getting involved with anyone. Our faith comes first always. Only God can make us happy. True joy is not something we can offer to each other. God alone fills that empty hole in our hearts.
If couples do not control love, the fire burns and destroys their relationship. If we choose to play with the fire and stir it up with music, emotions, and sex, lines will be crossed and deep regrets will arise. May we put the fire in the furnace. Let us control love from the beginning so the relationship will not burn up. Wait for a relationship that is built on the personal not the physical or the emotional. Wait for a man that practices respect, self-control, and integrity. Find your satisfaction in God alone. A solid, unwavering relationship with God is a must before getting involved with anyone. Our faith comes first always. Only God can make us happy. True joy is not something we can offer to each other. God alone fills that empty hole in our hearts.
I, adjure you, O daughter of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases. Song of Solomon...I was a wall, and my breasts were like towers, then I was in his eyes as one who finds peace. Song of Solomon 8:4, 10
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The Girl Next Door
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