My Quiet Place

5 Ways to Overcome the “Judgmental Christian” Stereotype

When most people hear the word Christian, they automatically think “do-gooders”, hypocrites, judgmental, critical, and snobby. Even Believers feel uncomfortable around some Christians who seem to have a condescending air about them. Some followers of Christ are deemed judgmental even if they are not being intentional about it. Sometimes one’s heart might be in the right place, but their body language or words still come across as “holier than thou”. I have been accused of this very thing multiple times. Am I the only one who has experienced this same accusation?

Non-believers typically associate a condemning spirit in every believer across the board and think there is no way they can love the world yet hate the sin. There are many out there who believe that, with their standards, it is impossible for Christians not to look down on everyone else. I tend to differ. With the Lord’s help and self-discipline, you can genuinely love people of all kinds. There are many reasons why others may view you as judgmental. Some of these reasons you may be doing consciously, but other times, it may be something you are doing subconsciously. Based on these reasons, here are 5 ways you, as a Christian, can break the “Judgmental Christian” stereotype.

1. Check Your Heart. Like I said before, you can unintentionally do things to make people think you are judging them. Never the less, it is still important to check your heart to make sure that the root of your thoughts and actions is love. It is much easier to break the unintentional mannerisms of your body when your heart is in the right place. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you see people the way God sees them. God does not love you anymore than the person who fell asleep during the sermon last Sunday. God cares for you just as much for the girl who spread that nasty rumor around. The ability to genuinely love the unlovable is a blessing that only God can give you out of His unconditional grace. Ask Him for a pure heart.

2. Watch Your Face. Now we come to the reason why others may squirm in their seats in the presence of Christian who may not be purposely causing this reaction. People often tell me that they can see my thoughts on my face. At the end of my Junior year in High School, a leader of the graduating class shared some inspiring words to each member of the upcoming senior class. When he got to me, he said, “Lydia. You have lots of different facial expressions. I never know what you are thinking. But I feel like I can have a conversation with you just by watching your face.” I felt a little embarrassed at the...compliment? Complaint? I don’t even know. Anyways, I am a very internal person. I do a lot of thinking and make a lot of judgment calls quietly. However, even when I am not thinking ill of anyone around me, people still make this assumption based on my facial expression. It may show no emotion. It may show a look of deep thought. Either way, it by no means reflects my true thoughts, but often falsely reflects a mind full of criticisms about those I am in conversation with. I advise you be mindful of the message your face is conveying. Especially when others are sharing with you an embarrassing truth about themselves or are courageously admitting a secret sin or a shameful past, makes sure you smile, engage with your eyes, and nod to let them know you understand. May you have grace in your eyes, love on your lips, and kindness on your cheeks when interacting with God’s beautiful creation.

3. Be Vulnerable. This third way to overcome a condescending reputation is very important. I worked at a Christian camp over the summer. I wasn’t a counselor, but apart of a discipleship program in which I was put in a group of girls under a leader. We spent five hard weeks doing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, scrubbing kitchen floors, studying the Bible, memorizing scripture, and learning lots of lessons. One of the lessons the program emphasized was the importance of community amongst our group. I admit, this was difficult for me. I did not know any of the girls and the environment we were thrown into made it hard for a slow friendship builder like me to quickly become BFFs with these girls. By week four, I felt comfortable and connecting with them, but by then, the program was almost over. The leader of the group had a one-on-one chat with me one day and explained that she noticed I was bit more distant than the rest of the girls. She realized I was an introvert, but encouraged me to make more of an effort to engage with the group. One of the ways she encouraged me to do this was by being more open with them. Most of the girls were sharing their hearts with the group. They explained past hurts and past struggles. My leader explained that since I was on the quiet side, this might discourage others from sharing their story or might make those who did put themselves out there feel uncomfortable around me since they did not know my opinion on the burden they revealed. I was sort of hurt by this constructive criticism,  but looking back I understand how important being vulnerable is especially in a close-knit community. Being open about your mistakes lets others know that you are not perfect. They can relate with you more. Now, sharing your struggles needs to be done in the appropriate setting and should be done with the motivation to help, not boast about sin. But when heart to heart talks do occur, it can be a beautiful thing that creates a bond of forgiveness, love, and honesty between people. Others have a harder time labeling you a “too good for you” snob if you are vulnerable with others and are still friends with them after they are open with you.

4. Identify the Good in Everyone. Everyone has at least one good quality about them. For some, you just have to look longer or harder. Trust me, it’s there. Find a reason why you enjoy being with a person. Dwell on that reason. Do not focus on the parts you dislike about them or that will eventually shine through your words or actions towards them. Once you have identified the reasons you love that person, then not only think about the reasons, but speak them. Verbally complimenting others you may not be as drawn to will ensure them and yourself that no matter how close of friends you are, you still love and admire them.

5. Open your Ears, Mind, and Heart. Do not immediately right people off based on religion, appearance, status, personality, or social abilities. Be careful not to assume things before getting to know a person. Listen to others. Hear them out. Even if you do not agree with what they are saying, it is nice for the speaker to know that you care about them enough to listen to their point of view. It is easy for some Christians to get so set in their religious habits and rules that they neglect to understand another Believer’s belief that may be right too, just different. Do not close yourself off from the world. You can be open minded to other ideas without believing them. Let people into your life that you may not have not had a good first impression with. Let God love others through you. Once you open your heart to someone, sit back, and watch God work.

Being deemed overly righteous, critical, and arrogant religious stiff neck can really hurt your witness. Evaluate your conscious and subconscious actions and mannerisms that may display signs of a judgmental spirit. Most importantly remember that God loves you no matter what. Let Christ’s love spur you on to loving others. Also take into account that some people will mark you as a snob whether you are or not. Some opinions you just have to ignore. You just need to make sure you do your part. Check your heart. Watch your actions. Respond to the Lord’s great love and grace.

{ And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 }

❊Question for the Comments❊

What are some ways you love the world that overcomes this stereotype?

The Girl Next Door